Sunday, June 15, 2008

We bought a lot of strawberries from the grocery store. This cake was inspired by an itty-bitty picture in a collage on one of the blogs in my Google reader ... that I can't find now.

Oh yeah, you want a piece.

On Monday, my great aunt died. It was pretty unexpected; she'd been very sick for a month, then seemed to be doing much better. Thus, the start of a very turbulent and sad week.

My mom called me about lunchtime on Monday, and even though I'm super-way-far behind at work, I couldn't even think straight. All I could think was, "how much are plane tickets? They'll be expensive on short notice. And what about work?" It ended up tickets were not cost-prohibitive (I flew on American with a compassion fare - thanks American!), my boss was very, very kind, and was there the next day.

I won't go in to the details (although, most of the people who bother to read my blog probably know them already), but my family is quite small. And ... unique. Which is why I had to be there.

That said, I've been terribly sad. So far I feel guilty about:

  • Not living closer to home, to help.
  • Not visiting the nursing home last Christmas.
  • Making jokes. (As in, any comment I've made. Ever. In my entire life.)
  • Not leaving the same day, because I was worried about turning in (OK, and finishing) my assignments for the week. (But also, thank you to my understanding professor.)
  • Making Andy make my arrangements for me, as I was a total basket case by midnight.
  • Missing work. A lot of work.
  • Feeling guilty about missing work, when my family really truly needed me.
I could go on, but then we'd be getting in to all of the things I feel guilty about, and my arm and hand are just too twitchy for that. Nothing like a semi-public shaming to ease the guilt.

On the other hand, I do not feel guilty about going. It doesn't exactly make me feel good, or holier-than-thou. I'm not even sure that it helped at all (although, it sure did seem to lift my dad's spirits). I'm still very sad over the whole thing. Hopefully all will be well tomorrow ...